Last night I dreamt I was a victim of a Holocaust extermination. The dream was shades of gray - gray building surrounded by gray trees, gray skies overcast with gray clouds, gray clothing, gray everything.
I was in a crowd of women prisoners of all ages, from little girls to old women, at the end of the line with my husband. There were only between 3 and 6 guards, but at least 100 women. The women were sad and scared, but resigned to the situation. There was only 1 small square building that was only 1 room. I looked around at it all and kept thinking that the women greatly outnumbered the guards, yet they wouldn't move to overtake them. I knew - they knew - we would all die by doing nothing, still nobody would try to fight back. The guards started taking the women into the building in small groups. The women never came back out. After several minutes, the guards would come back and take another group of women into the building. And so it continued. At one point, I noticed one the guards had a tormented look on his face, like he knew what he was doing was wrong. I started screaming at him, "How can you just stand there and do nothing? Help us! You are murdering us all for no reason by doing nothing to help." He said nothing, but I could see in his eyes that he was just following orders and felt that he had no other choice. I screamed at him again, as the guards continued to take groups of women into this building to never return, "Do something! Help us! Or you will be damned forever for needlessly and senselessly murdering innocent people! By doing nothing to stop this, to help us, you are just as guilty as the rest!" A single tear slid down his face, yet he still stood silent and did nothing.
Finally, my husband and I were all that was left. All the women were gone. We were taken into the building and left there to clean up the mess before they were to kill us next. Inside, this one-roomed building was a bathroom. The walls, floors and toilet were covered with excrement, urine, and menstrual blood. There were sanitary napkins in scattered piles all around. We cleaned. As we cleaned, we knew how they were killing these women. The guards would strip them naked, strap them on the toilet, then inject them with a fatal poison that would take several excruciating minutes to end their lives as they convulsed and their bodies voided before they died.
Here the dream would flash between the cleaning scene and seeing the piles of naked bodies lined up, frozen in tortured death, behind the building.
I woke as I saw myself being strapped naked to the toilet, my husband - already dying - holding my hand.
I was in a crowd of women prisoners of all ages, from little girls to old women, at the end of the line with my husband. There were only between 3 and 6 guards, but at least 100 women. The women were sad and scared, but resigned to the situation. There was only 1 small square building that was only 1 room. I looked around at it all and kept thinking that the women greatly outnumbered the guards, yet they wouldn't move to overtake them. I knew - they knew - we would all die by doing nothing, still nobody would try to fight back. The guards started taking the women into the building in small groups. The women never came back out. After several minutes, the guards would come back and take another group of women into the building. And so it continued. At one point, I noticed one the guards had a tormented look on his face, like he knew what he was doing was wrong. I started screaming at him, "How can you just stand there and do nothing? Help us! You are murdering us all for no reason by doing nothing to help." He said nothing, but I could see in his eyes that he was just following orders and felt that he had no other choice. I screamed at him again, as the guards continued to take groups of women into this building to never return, "Do something! Help us! Or you will be damned forever for needlessly and senselessly murdering innocent people! By doing nothing to stop this, to help us, you are just as guilty as the rest!" A single tear slid down his face, yet he still stood silent and did nothing.
Finally, my husband and I were all that was left. All the women were gone. We were taken into the building and left there to clean up the mess before they were to kill us next. Inside, this one-roomed building was a bathroom. The walls, floors and toilet were covered with excrement, urine, and menstrual blood. There were sanitary napkins in scattered piles all around. We cleaned. As we cleaned, we knew how they were killing these women. The guards would strip them naked, strap them on the toilet, then inject them with a fatal poison that would take several excruciating minutes to end their lives as they convulsed and their bodies voided before they died.
Here the dream would flash between the cleaning scene and seeing the piles of naked bodies lined up, frozen in tortured death, behind the building.
I woke as I saw myself being strapped naked to the toilet, my husband - already dying - holding my hand.
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